Much of their destructive power arises exactly because they seem so sweet on the outside that polite people dare not disagree with them for fear of being labeled an ogre, anti-social, or simply a grouch. We swallow them without a thought and repeat them whenever seems appropriate, thus spreading the brain viruses and fanning the current epidemic of unconsciousness.
To misquote the late Richard Feynman, "What do I care what other people think?" Call me a grouch if you must, but I'm going to take on these pernicious lies and expose them for what they are: flaxen shackles of the Victimhood Mentality that enslaves most of Mankind.
While this may seem like a reminder to always bend over backwards to avoid any misunderstandings, that may be exactly what's wrong with this picture. Oh, there are so many errors here I'll have to start a list!
- If someone misunderstands you in a poisonous, negative way, it is because they have filters that are tuned to see things in the worst possible way. It's their stuff, NOT YOURS!
- If you believe that a misunderstanding is poisonous, then it will be for you. It's just a belief, just a thought! It's not real.
- It is possible, and actually almost a certainty, that you have unconscious beliefs of which you are not even aware. These beliefs can cause your Meaning-Making Machine (i.e. your brain) to create the most negative possible meaning out of any event or statement that is even slightly ambiguous.
- You cannot avoid all misunderstandings, because they are not all your fault. Understanding is a thing that your listener does with your help, but in the end it is entirely the listener's responsibility. They will make whatever meaning of your messages that they will, and there's not one thing you can do about it.
- If YOU do not consciously choose to reprogram your unconscious mind to always seek the most positive possible meaning, then the world (our culture, the TV, your parents, etc) will program your unconscious for you, and odds are that your unconscious will be programmed to find the most negative, poisonous possible meaning out of everything that anyone says or does. Next stop: advanced Paranoia and total isolation from every living being. It's epidemic, but it's also your choice as long as you know that it is.
The premise is that we can unknowingly cripple a child for life by saying the wrong thing, and so we tiptoe around the child and give them all the power in the relationship. This causes two things: it makes insecure children who always feel like victims thus crippling them for life, and it makes weak adults who shirk their responsibilities to the child and fail to take the opportunity for spiritual advancement that parenthood affords.
What about the adult who feels crippled by some wrong word that someone said to them as a child? The adult who, according to this picture, is in need of "repair?" There are two lies sneaking in to your brain within that little premise. One is that you can repair a person, or if it's you, that you need someone other than yourself to fix you. The truth is that you can't save anyone. They have to do it themselves. Similarly, you have within you everything necessary to "fix" yourself. Everything, except possibly the awareness of that fact.
A child younger than about age seven can not critically dismiss any of the things it hears, and unconsciously accepts them as true. But as an adult, you do have the ability and responsibility to seek out and replace any of the false, disempowering beliefs you picked up as a child. You have the opportunity and duty to gain awareness.
The order of operation is not as suggested by the picture - make sure the children aren't damaged because there's no longer any hope for us. The correct order is 1) to become more conscious as an adult and with volition to chose our beliefs; 2) THEN we will be able to raise children who will know that they must do the same as we, and will not live their lives as the victims of other's words.
Hopefully one more example will be enough for you to be able to identify and actively resist the lies that keep people living small:
The underhanded, undermining premise here is that "other people" are the source of the "wonderful things" in life. By corollary, the only thing coming out of ourselves is shit. Of course this is complete bollocks - utter nonsense.
Rather than planting the lie in your mind that "(without some special person, we) are without a source of wonderful things," this belief should be actively refuted using the truth that each of us is the source of many wonderful things. Each of us is our own source of Divinity, goodness, strength, power, love, and peace. It is only that disease called co-dependency that "needs" other people. But if we are awake to the truth, then we do not "need" other people at all. We can choose or choose not to share a part of our life with another person.
To live as a victim means to blame any of your woes on another person, on circumstances, or on any excuse so carefully crafted as to be completely beyond your control or influence. What is your big excuse? If you examine it closely and objectively, looking under the surface, you will discover that it is a fabrication of your own manufacture.
To throw off the culture of Victimhood means to take full responsibility for everything in your life, and to re-gain the control over your mortal experience that you forgot you had.
"But John, isn't it insane to pretend that the situation you're in isn't very bad if it actually is?"
Insanity is a symptom of resisting reality. I'm suggesting just the opposite: accept reality and surrender to it; either reserve judgement on it as good or bad, or else seek and find a way to judge it as potentially positive in the long run. We can change our thoughts, but only if we know it and believe it. When we change our thoughts, our circumstances gradually (or sometimes rapidly) adjust to our way of thinking.
"How is that even physically possible?"
All behavior has its roots in thought. All actions were first a mental impulse, either one we chose or one that was chosen for us - someone else's script we are unwittingly acting out. Throw off the slavery of other people's thoughts, scripts, and judgments. Throw off the shackles of Victimhood and begin to think your own thoughts! Choose ones that will empower you and cause you to take the actions that will inexorably lead you into better circumstances: better relationships, better finances, better mental and physical health.
Sometimes all you need to know is that a thing is possible before you find a way to make it happen.